Wait, the Bible says that?
If you keep up with me on social media, you know that I recently wrapped up reading The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes as part of my summer reading. I’m much more a non-fiction / memoir / self-help book lover, but entertaining fiction is good for my soul every now and then.
The premise of the book (don’t worry – not a spoiler) is that Alice, an English woman, marries an American man in the 1930s. She moves from England to a small, rural Kentucky coal mining town to live her sure-to-be-perfect life with her new husband.
I won’t spoil the details, but the marriage is less than ideal. If you can imagine a conservative, Christian-strong rural town in the 30s, divorce is not really an option. Eventually, the town pastor shows up at her door to throw Ephesians 5:22 in her face to “help” her marriage troubles.
If you’re digging for that Bible verse in your head, it’s:
“For wives, this means to submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22 NLT
(Side note if you’re not familiar with the Bible…the book of Ephesians is actually a letter that a real guy named Paul wrote to the city of Ephesus, in modern-day Greece, in the year 60-ish. He was trying to explain to the people of Ephesus what it looked like to live like Christ.)
So anyways, he throws out every husband’s favorite Bible verse…“wives, submit to your husbands”…
Can I be totally honest?
This verse always makes me cringe. Deep down, my very core doesn’t want to submit to anyone. I wouldn’t allow any words of “obedience” in our wedding vows. The mere thought made my skin crawl. After all, I am woman, hear me roar!
I don’t think I’m alone in this. And I think verses like this, without understanding the full context, are a good enough reason for someone like me to put down their Bible and never pick it up again.
I would love to say that the idea of our Christian leaders using this verse as a “magic bullet” of marital counseling is something that happened 90 years ago, as in this novel, but that’s far from the case.
Just this year, I had a friend get this verse thrown at her by her own pastor when her marriage went sideways. (I may say, knowing the details, that the issue in this particular marriage was not wifely submission.)
At this point, no doubt, someone is reading this and calling blasphemy and condemning me right now, because “you can’t ignore what the Bible says!”. Yes, agreed. Don’t get me wrong, I am ALL FOR using the Word of God in every aspect of our daily lives. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.
My issue here is that it feels like we (the royal “we”…I actually mean Christian sub-culture) throw around Ephesians 5:22 much more than we throw around Ephesians 5:21.
What is Ephesians 5:21, you ask? Just back up one mere sentence in the text and it says:
“…submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 NLT
(If you think NLT is a wonky version of the Bible, go ahead and pull out your King James. It says the same thing…promise.)
So, hold the phone. “Submit to one another” - doesn’t that sound like a condensed version of “Husbands submit to your wives. Wives submit to your husbands.”? Another way of saying it might be “Because you love Jesus, put your spouse’s needs before yours”. Hmmm…interesting. That sounds much more balanced if you ask me. Not cringe-worthy at all.
When we keep reading from Ephesians 5:21, the part where we’re to submit to each other in marriage, into Ephesians 5:22, the part where wives are to submit to their husbands, it’s actually our friend Paul’s way of explaining how to put your marriage partner ahead of yourself.
If you keep reading further, Paul then goes onto explain how husbands should submit to their wives by giving up everything in their own lives to love their wives in the most perfect way.
Sign. Me. Up. That sounds like much more of a level playing field, if you ask me.
As with everything in the Bible, the saying goes: “Context is king”.
It can be dangerous to throw around verses in a vacuum without the surrounding context.
Luckily, my girl Alice in The Giver of Stars knew her Bible and had no issues holding her own with her 1930s pastor. She stood her ground on the whole context of Ephesians 5, and sent her pastor away with his tail tucked between his legs.
It’s by-far, my favorite part of the whole book…The Giver of Stars, not the Bible 😉
Like this post? Stay tuned for these upcoming relationship posts you may like:
The Shame We Carry (a heavy life lesson I learned pre-married life)
You Are Worthy (how my 8-year-old daughter reminded me of our worth)
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