Where Is God When I'm Scared?
A couple weeks back, I snuck away for shopping and errand-running all by myself. And I won’t lie. It was totally glorious. I slowly perused every aisle of Hobby Lobby. I looked through all the new vegetable seed packets at Home Depot. And I got through Costco in record time without having to ward off the “gimmies” that normally come with shopping with kids…or husbands.
I wrapped up my pre-lunch stops and was seriously on cloud nine as I was driving to have lunch – again, by myself. [Insert harmonious angels singing here.]
I don’t know if you ever do this, but I was having some “God talks” while I was driving to lunch. Hey God, thanks for this really awesome morning. I’m feeling really great. This is awesome.
And no sooner had I thought (er, prayed?) that, did I see a homeless man with a dog standing on the corner of the intersection outside of a McDonalds. He was in real rough shape and holding a sign that I couldn’t read because I was coming up from behind him.
But I promise you the sign did not say “I’m doing totally fine! Hope you’re having a great day!”.
I wrestled with my thoughts for about a minute as I pulled off the main road to my lunch spot and quickly resigned myself to the idea that he was probably hungrier than I was, and I was now buying lunch for this man on the corner before I bought my own.
No big deal. I’ll just run into the McDonald’s, order some food, drop it off to him, and be on my way.
So I went inside and ordered a random smattering of everything, hoping I picked at least one thing he liked: quarter pounder with cheese, 20 piece chicken nuggets, large French fry, apple pie, and a big cup of water. (Anyone just have a flash back to The Very Hungry Caterpillar? I digress…)
I paid for the meal and moved to the side to wait for the order to be ready.
And then it hit me…
Crap, now I have to walk up to a strange man and hand him this bag of food. That’s super awkward. And weird. And scary.
Clearly, I didn’t think this through fully.
Since I was already talking with the Big Guy when this whole thing started, I figured I’d keep the conversation going.
Hey God. I’m super scared to give this man food. This is really awkward.
Now, this doesn’t always happen, but at least this time, I felt God respond…with these two words:
I know.
Um, what? That’s not helpful, God. I’m looking for a little more here besides I know.
And again, I hear…
I know.
Seriously?
Like an annoyed teenage girl, I rolled my eyes at God – right in the middle of McDonald’s.
They called my number. I grabbed the bag of food and started across the parking lot, suddenly filled with anxiety about how my lunch offer might be received, because not every homeless person wants a suburbanite Mom with big sunglasses randomly walking up to them with food.
When I was about 20 feet away, in my strongest-but-not-yelling voice, say “Excuse me, sir?......I bought you some lunch…...Is that okay?”
He turned around and gave me just a slight smile and said “Yeah, yeah.”
I told him what was in the bag and his immediate response was “God bless you”. (It’s always nice when you find out you have a mutual friend, right?)
As I’m petting his adorable chocolate lab, who clearly loves me because I’m holding a bag of chicken nuggets, I ask the man his name.
Brian.
I notice he’s wearing an Army hat, so I ask if he served in our Army.
He did.
I thank him for his service to our country and wish him well on the rest of his day.
And that’s all we said. And it was just fine. Turns out, it wasn’t awkward. Or scary. At all.
God had me covered…despite my bratty 16-year-old response.
Sometimes we’re put in situations that are scary or uncomfortable or downright hard. It doesn’t mean we’re not supposed to be there or we’re doing the wrong thing. And it doesn’t mean that God isn’t fully aware of our feelings.
Sometimes we just have to push through them.
Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other, do it scared, and know that your God is standing right next to you regardless.
I went on to go eat my own lunch. And like the rest of the morning, it was also lovely.
When I eventually left the shopping complex, I drove past Brian again, and I finally was able to read his sign:
“Hungry Vet. Please help.”
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